It’s Mother’s Day once more…it happens every year….We give our mothers flowery cards and gifts and make believe we think everything mom did was perfect….Well, what if it was? There is a Native American belief that before we were born, we choose our parents. Actually , that ties in pretty nicely with the reincarnation idea that we rearrange certain circumstances before each life so as to learn different lessons. Either way, our parents teach us much more than they ever mean to. There isn’t a human mom alive who has not made a mistake or have they? I remember blaming my mom for making me fat. She overfed me as a child according to some and made me develop fat cells. Of course, she fed my brother the same food and he ended up skinny. It’s human nature to blame someone else for our lot in life and who better than mom. She’ll love you no matter what you blame her for. Her love is unconditional and she’ll even agree with you that she should have done better….or maybe not.
It’s really easy if we had blessed childhoods to give thanks to mom for making wonderful choices for us. If we believe in the theory that we choose our parents before birth than we can say,”I really picked a winner, I’m sure glad I picked that mom. She supported me in everything I ever wanted to do. She paid for my music lessons so I could be a rock star and never stopped loving me no matter what!”
But what if you were one of those kids whose childhood sucked? Your dad was an alcoholic. Your mom was the queen of guilt trips. Or was your dad the overachiever who pressured you to become a football hero? Maybe your mom was a gold digger hopping from one wealthy man’s bed to another, never paying attention to you. Were your folks uneducated, not realizing that you were a genius? Or maybe they were pot-smoking artists who sometimes even forgot you were around. Whether you can still love these people or not, the last thing you want to hear is that you picked this upbringing for yourself.
Really? Shift gears with me for a minute. Now look at yourself and tell me what you are most proud of. Is it your tenacity? Your ability to pick yourself up and carry on no matter what? Your incredible ability to read other people and to reach out and help them because you have been through it? Your torch music that sings to the soul of the lonely? Your amazing work ethic? Your own ability to be really present with your own kids? Sit for a moment and look at the incredible strength and amazing traits that you created for yourself despite your parents.
If I had been a svelte spoiled princess, I might not have been able to relate this to you today. Instead, I used my weight issue to propel me to discover my spirituality. It’s because I came from a broken home that I know how important true loving connection is regardless of whether the two original parents are the ones raising you or not. It’s because I was under the impression I was abandoned that I found out how to be strong and independent and no longer clingy and needy. I wouldn’t have the pride and self assurance that I can overcome anything life has to throw at me if I would have had the safety net of family to fall back on. Look into your own life. Would you be the amazing person you are today if you had been raised with a silver spoon in your mouth and ideal parents.
Initially, when we begin our healing process, we can identify what particular flavor of “screwed up” we are and whose fault it is that we turned out that way. As we continue on this path, we come to the realization that if it hadn’t been for those people “screwing us up,” we would not be the amazing person we have become today. Finally, we come to the conclusion of what a blessing it is that we got to go through that difficult journey, learned amazing lessons, and gained the tools we needed to give the gifts we have today.
So, it’s time to let mom down off the wedding cake into the world of non-perfect alleged humans and realize that you are an alleged grown-up now and it’s time to live your life as the amazing indestructible super human, created by the perfect mother and family of your choice.