This is a big one for women. But its big for men too, just different. Women should know that in round terms, men under forty five plus or minus ten years –do not love them they lust after them. Men should know that a woman’s motives are varied changing many times each day and according to what they had for lunch, etc. If you, dear reader are gay this article is not for you as the writer is clueless as to your needs and motivations. Unless… you are a lover. So Gay or straight this is an article about love. So, let’s get to it.

Are you in a relationship? If so why are you reading this instead of talking to your mate or partner? The most likely answer is that you feel that general dissatisfaction that comes from the fact that your partner is not perfect. In other words he or she resembles you in startling detail.

So let’s fast track this. Do you want to feel loved? Give more love. Would you like a foot massage in the evening? Give one to your partner. If you have already employed these basic strategies and they are not working dump the bum! No… not really at least not yet.

Now it’s time for us to get real. You are at a metaphysical/spiritual web site asking for psychological advice. In round terms you went shopping for a Ford Fiesta and are now wondering the showroom floor of your local BMW dealership. So let’s assume that there are no accidents and whether you realized it or not, what you really went shopping for was advise as to how to claim your birthright to be free of suffering so as to no longer be an insufferable partner to your equally insufferable partner.

No. 1) For once it really is going to be all about you. You are going to change. You are going to love no matter what comes back among the crumbs of that beautiful hors d’oeuvres platter you took out to the coffee table with the cooler of chilled Budweiser, midway through the last Steelers game.

How ’d it go? Got Love? Well dear’y let’s face facts, you ’re in for a long, long ride. If you have embarked on a path leading to spiritual maturity you need to change your whole focus. Chances of your mate matching you, chakra for chakra, are not good. But that’s no longer the point. If you are giving to get. Get outta here!

No.2) You are love. Meaning that no matter how frumpy you look wrapped in your old bath robe with your hair in curlers do they still do curlers? –You are not that. Inside of you is a real person that you have not met. Your Self! This Self does not ask to be loved He/She/It is love embodied. This person does not have needs that must be met. Instead, they are you are constantly overflowing –always the source and supply not the bottomless consumer.

If you can relate to this humorous, mildly harsh but truthful analysis of the relationship game you have come to the right place. Read your way through the rest of the material offered on this web site and begin the work of maturing as a conscious being –as some say it –a spiritual being having a physical experience.

Along the way you will realized that in fact, you are loved so much that when you see it you will laugh and weep for joy. At some point you might find yourself running in terror, because the intensity of the love that is directed specifically to you will over power your nervous system. You need to take it in small doses until you get stronger.

Until then, share a small dose of what you just got. Just give it away, then turn your attention to something more interesting than, “Does He/She/It love me?” Trust me. There is nothing more attractive than a person who is deliciously happy and paying not a moment’s attention to their partner. It’ll drive em’ nuts!

But don’t let this suck you back into the “give to get” circus. You are now playing a much bigger game. If your partner get’s the joke they might choose to join you. How fun that could be! If not… they might just skulk away. Well, change is inevitable. There’s nothing funny about someone else’s pain. But you are not in control of this other person’s emotional/spiritual development.

Be love. Mirror the lover or your soul and let this spill out recklessly short of exchanging bodily fluids. In this arena be discrete. The energy you embody when you wake up in the morning is only going to be as high as the energy of the person you went to bed with. I don’t know why this is. But sex brings you into synchrony with your partner and the higher seems to always drop to the level of the lower. So, if you want sex. Have sex. But if you want to grow spiritually… be careful.

Now, go thank god for love. Roll around in it until you positively reek of love. Be the source of your supply. Buy some greeting cards, candles, music CD’s and give them as gifts, as exuberant expressions of this new revelation you are reveling in. But in most cases don’t send a book. A book suggests that the other person needs to change. This is not a loving message it is manipulation. So unless you are sure of your motives and the message of the book –choose something non threatening. There are some beautiful books at The Center’s “E-Shelves” or the Center for the New Age’s Sedona store, proper. Consider giving a beautiful piece of Jewelry. Why am I pushing the idea of a purchase? If you have read the other sections on this web site you will notice that this is a departure from our style. But love is the big give away. Give yourself and do not shy away from giving beautiful objects as expressions of yourself, Love.

Because, not only are you loved… You are love! Now go put on your ugliest old bathrobe and send me a photo. I’ll love it because you are wrapped up inside of it. Who am I to ask for such a photo of you? I am love. I am you! I AM. So are you!

Tom Carroll has offered these words to guide, instruct and bring comfort as you grow in love and service.

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